Man...this week was something else. We had a lot of fallen through appointments, had some solid visits, and we seemed to have a thousand different concerns to overcome from a thousand different parties. I was really pushed mentally this past week, and according to this up and coming transfer, I'm going to continue to be pushed.
I don't know what it is, but I have just always felt so inadequate at times here in the Parkway Ward. I often think back to my time spent in Sun Prairie, and the joy that I experienced while I was there. I think of the love I had for the people, the members, the work, the Lord, and just life in general. It seemed like nothing could go wrong. It has seemed to me that ever since I have been assigned, now, to a greater position of influence and responsibility, I can't seem to pull myself together and lift. I forget a lot of things, and I also tend to doubt myself. It's terrible...but I do have hope.
I've been very impressed lately by the Lord's tender mercies that he offers to those who fall short of His expectations. It often draws me back to ponder on my current situation as a servant of the Lord, and one who does want to be an effective Kingdom Builder, but is plagued by feelings/thoughts of inadequacy. I have been very impressed by the accounts found in the Book of Mormon where the Lord extends his numerous invitations to repent through the prophets to the people of Lehi, and I've also been very impressed lately by the Lord's mercy to the brethren in the Doctrine and Covenants who were also full of flaws, even Joseph Smith.
As I've studied these things out I feel it may be good for me to talk to President Jones about some of my thoughts and concerns. I don't really know how to explain what is going through my mind. I just feel inadequate, especially for this up and coming transfer. I have currently been assigned as a Zone Leader Lead here in the North Zone, with my new companion, Elder Scott. I'm pretty scared about it, not going to lie. The area has been up and down even for Elder Wright and I, and I just don't know if I have it in me to have the pure love that I did for the people while I was in Sun Prairie. I do have hope which is good, I'm just really trying to figure out what I need to do to increase my faith and love.
Yesterday's Sacrament meeting services helped quite a bit. Because of the Easter occasion, it was all about the Lord and his victory over the grave. I could definitely feel the Spirit, and was glad that I was able to be there to experience that meeting.
There were a lot of talks given about how the Savior overcame everything, so that we can be strengthened. I really enjoyed it as it is true, but it definitely doesn't mean that everything is going to be easy. He overcame the obstacle of death for us, so that we can become more and more like him. We do this by becoming converted, and have our hearts completely broken and contrite.
This week was a tough one as we weren't able to meet with the family that we currently have baptismal dates for. They dodged all of our appointments due to various different circumstances. It was tough as it can be really depressing, and it is hard for me to be resilient here in this area. I feel like so many people just don't care, and feel like they have everything figured out, and it's a tough thing to overcome. The thing that can get on my nerves as well is that this is really the biggest thing that can help them if they put their minds to it, and really humbled themselves before the Lord. I feel like the Savior would really work with these people in becoming new people, but it's hard because of all of the outside influences all the people have here in Milwaukee.
We were able to meet w/some awesome less-active members though. We are currently working a lot with a lady named Cleo, and she is awesome! If it's one person that I have a lot of love for here in the Parkway area it's definitely Sister Cleo. She is a prime example of being humble, meek, and submissive even when its tough. She has progressed with her scripture study and daily prayer which has given her a solid foundation for the world around her. It has been awesome to see how her understanding and knowledge of the Book of Mormon has increased as she has taken the time to study it, and apply it into her life.
Well, my next companion's name is Elder Scott! Elder Aubrey just sent me an email informing me that he is a big fan of Elder Scott, and I figure that that is a good thing ha ha. Elder Scott was trained by my MTC companion, Elder Anderson, who is currently serving as a District Leader Trainer in the Shawano area in the Green Bay Zone. Elder Aubrey is currently serving in the Green Bay 2nd Ward, but is transferring this Wednesday to the Rhinelander Ward, and is going to be companions with Elder Bunnell, who also came out with me. Elder May is serving as a district leader in Richland Center in the Madison Zone with Elder Gillman. Want to know something crazy...Elder May, Elder Haertel, and President Jones all go home in 2 transfers. I'm sending Elder May your guys' info, so he can hook up with you all when he gets home.
I'm excited for General Conference this weekend, as it will be a time for me to be able to receive answers to personal questions, and also a time for me to recharge my spiritual batteries. We're going to work hard this week to try and get people to come and listen to the Lord's modern day prophets and apostles here on the Earth today, so definitely keep our investigators in your prayers, and also pray that we will know what we can share with them to soften their hearts!
I love Jacob 4:4-6 which teaches us about the role of prophets. Specifically in verse 5, Jacob talks about how prophets set a great example for us by worshiping the Father in the name of Christ, and also keeping the Law of Moses. He likens that to the people saying that when they do those things as well that they are given blessings, and their righteousness is added upon them. We learn in verse 6 that the words of prophets, when we follow them, give us a greater brightness of hope, and faith that is unshaken. As each of you listen to conference this weekend, I know that you will be able to see the Love of God radiating from his chosen servants here on the Earth today.
Love you guys!
Elder Gautavai
APARTMENT IN SUSSEX, WISCONSIN
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